


is this where it gets me

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Love Confessions, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Those Hurricane Related Fears (pretends this trope isnt dead and cliche), Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Marquis de Lafayette, but now its mulliham!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 06:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13405269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Alexander hears people talk about Hurricane Irma, and he has a panic attack. His friends and crush are there to help him calm down.





	is this where it gets me

**Author's Note:**

> 1st mulliham fic with side laurette. i love this ship more than i love leslie odom jr so here we go. enjoy!

Alexander was having a great night. He was a few drinks in, Lafayette and John had been exchanging those lovesick looks they always did, and his crush Hercules was talking about the pride parade he went to with John. He would've gone with them if he didn't hate loud noise, which he knew the parade would be full of.   
  
He was scrolling mindlessly through Twitter, taking a sip of water to not get too drunk. He heard one of the other people in the bar start talking— he couldn't pick up many phrases, but one he got was "well, the hurricane is going to hit..." and his mind went overdrive. 

He shoved his phone into his pocket. His eyes widened as he got up from his chair. All he could see was people dead on the shore of the island he was born in. And he thought that maybe it wouldn't hit New York, but it didn't matter, it didn't matter because he'd still have to hear about people dying.   
  
Something was pressing at his throat and he couldn't breathe. He sprinted to the bathroom— it smelled like vomit, and the odor made him dizzy. He headed to one of the stalls and shut the door. He gritted his teeth as he tried to calm his racing thoughts, because God, he wasn't seventeen anymore, he should just get over this. But he couldn't breathe and there were dots in his vision and he wanted to go somewhere where there were no hurricanes to be afraid of.   
  
"Alexander!" someone called. It sounded a lot like John. "Alexander, are you okay?" He let out a sob in response. He had been crying silently for a few minutes, but he sniffled anyway. "What's wrong?"  
  
Footsteps came and he let himself open the door. It was Hercules— his eyes were wide and he took him into his arms. The smell of his cologne overwhelmed him. "Why are you crying, Alex? You alright?"  
  
He let out another sob. He was going to die on this island, there was going to be another hurricane and no way to stop it. His head hurt and Laurens and Lafayette and Hercules— they all would  _die_ and he’d die too, washed up onto the shore —   
  
"I'm —" he hiccuped, he knew he sounded ridiculous— "I'm sorry!"  
  
He hugged him closer. "It's okay, Alex, just tell us what's wrong."  
  
"You're going —" the words hurt to get out. His entire body was fuzzy like he wasn't really there but in Nevis, water all across his sight. "You're going to die —"  
  
Hercules pat his head and kissed his forehead. He kissed his forehead. He didn't fully realize this, but his heart still swelled among his panic. "You've been drinking tonight, haven't you?"  
  
"Yes, but that's not— that's not the point!" he sobbed harder. "You're going to die just like my town did, and fuck, I don't want you to, I love you too much to..." he left the sentence hanging. He realized he fucked up— he told Hercules he was into him while panicking. Oh, this was fucking marvelous. God.   
  
"Oh," Hercules said, dumbly, realizing what was happening and almost not noticing the love confession in between. "Hurricane Irma won't get anywhere close to NYC, Alex," he said, pushing his fingers through his hair. "It's just the Caribbean and Florida. We'll be alright. None of us will die."  
  
His mind still flashed scenes of them at the coastline, none breathing. Hercules kept talking to him, about the weather, and about how Lafayette kept muttering about how beautiful John was, and about how much he loved him and cared for him and —   
  
"Hold — hold the fuck up."  
  
He said that out loud, didn't he? Hercules was looking at him expectantly so he guessed he did. He buried his face into Hercules' shirt and smiled against it. God, this was ridiculous. His heart was growing to be at a slower pace, and he could make out noise other than Hercules' voice.   
  
"I love you," Hercules muttered. His vision swam. But it didn't matter, he had Hercules (and Lafayette and John) and they could— he could get through this.   
  
He didn't feel there quite yet, but he still said, "I love you too."  
  
Hercules helped him up (how long had he been in the floor?) and then took him out of the stall.   
  
"So, hurricane-related?" John asked, Lafayette at his side. They were holding hands, and Lafayette's brows were furrowed with worry.   
  
"Mhm," Hercules nodded. Alexander held his hand. The hurricane couldn't hit them. They'd be alright. He took a deep breath and hugged John, to then have Lafayette and Hercules join in. The group hug was bone-crushing, and Alexander smiled. "Well, I'm glad you finally told me you like me," he told him, smiling.   
  
"I don't think..." he sucked in a breath, not knowing how to form words. He loved Hercules so much, but he had broken up with his last girlfriend not too long ago. He didn’t want to mess up his relationship with him, too. "I don't think I'm ready to go steady with you, though."  
  
"That's alright," Hercules said before kissing his hair. "Can I kiss you?" Alexander found himself clinging to him, his nails digging into Hercules' shirt. He nodded vigorously like he'd never wanted anything more. And it was true, somewhat.   
  
Their noses bumped before Alexander moved his neck just right. He closed his eyes tight and let Hercules' cologne, Hercules' lips against his, Hercules' hands on his lower back overwhelm him. He loved every part of Hercules, from how beefy he was to how kind he was.   
  
When they pulled away, Alexander's heart rate wasn't steady anymore. His love for Hercules overwhelmed him.   
  
"Can we post this on Snapchat?" Lafayette asked, an arm slung over John's shoulder. "We got some really cute photos."  
  
"Of course!" Hercules said at the same time Alexander went, "Maybe." He turned to him and grinned. "Well?" Hercules asked.   
  
"Yeah, post it, I don't care," he muttered.   
  
He opened Lafayette's Snapchat story to see a picture of them both kissing with the caption 'congrats to these two lovebirds !!!'.   
  
Soon after, Eliza messaged Alexander with a bunch of heart emojis and just one word: 'congratulations'. He smiled and pushed his phone back into his pocket. He threw an arm around Hercules’ shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Should we go back to the bar?” There was a man on the urinals looking at them, but he didn’t care right now. Two gay couples were being gay in his sight, and well, he’d have to just fucking deal with it.

Alexander fidgeted with his hands before saying, “Can any of you check if they’re still talking about hurricanes?”

“Sure,” Lafayette said. He went out of the bathroom and for a few seconds, they heard pacing. He came back later with a smile, “Nah, we’re good,” he said, a smile covering his factions.

“Thank you!” Alexander exclaimed, getting out of the bathroom and settling into one of the chairs. Lafayette took his jacket off, letting his shirt rumple up and the scars from bottom surgery are visible for a few seconds. He pushed the shirt down and smiled. “Well! Do you want another beer, Alex?”

“I certainly wouldn’t mind,” he replied. He was still sweaty from his panic attack, and his top surgery scars itched a little, but what could he do? Lafayette handed him a pint of beer and he downed it gratefully. “Thank you all.”

Putting his best Southern accent on, Hercules went, “It’s no problem, darlin’.”

“You sound like Jefferson, Herc.”

John eyed Alexander with a raised eyebrow. “Have you ever had Jefferson call you darlin’ before?”

“No!”

Hercules laughed, and the fear in Alexander’s heart settled.


End file.
